cancer schmancer…

I don’t like to talk about it much. To be honest, I sometimes forget I was sick. Especially when I’m feeling this energetic… ok bar the occasional flu. Since January 2012,  I have been feeling good.. a good for me is a 7/10,which is pretty high in my book of merits. The only times I ever gave myself a 10/10 is when I heard the cries of new life after I gave birth to my darlings, Zara and Zach, and when my surgeon announced that my cancer was stage one and he had cleanly resected the tumor. (A true miracle and the work of my master surgeon who, 3 days prior to my surgery informed me that I would possibly have 6 months to live without the resection… gulp… yes it was a scary time.)

Today is a regular 7/10 day, and it’s that time again. I need to go for my blood test. I hate it, not because of the pain and prods of needles but the unbearable anticipation of results, which I get in a few days time. I go every 4 months now and have a CT scan twice a year.  I’ve had a clean bill of health thus far, but no matter how good I feel, I can’t help but worry. My AFP’s (Alpha Feta Proteins)  are all I worry about. They have been low low low since my operation, and I’ve been happy happy happy… In fact, thus far based on my blood work alone (sans medical history) one Doctor said that my results are on par with an athlete (of course I asked what type? Fingers crossed not a curling athlete, c’mon! Instead they said a runner… I was chuffed.)

I feel good, energetic, my energy levels are high, and I’m sleeping. Shouldn’t that be a sure-fire sign of good health? My gut says yes, but I was doing 2-3 yoga classes a day plus cardio on top of that, when they found the 6lb tumor two years ago. (Yes, I have an addictive, some call it obsessive compulsive, personality… and lucky for my husband I just can’t get enough of him :P.. he’s away and I miss him. Can you tell?) But I was always tired, never slept and my brain told me to exercise more, to exhaust myself so I could sleep. Emotionally I was wreck. My energy levels were at an all time low. My body was trying to tell me that it was sick. (NB: Listen to your body!)

I’ve never said the words cancer out right to my kids.(Part of me is still in shock I suppose and perhaps I don’t want to admit it, especially when I’m feeling this good.) They know mummy was ill, and she had a big operation  (big slice and dice through my core and across my right side) and she was fragile for 6 months to a year where I could only hug in one position, never carried them and kept the same hours as they did (up at 6am and asleep by 8.30pm at the latest). Should I tell them that mummy had cancer?

The media always depicts such a devastating end to those with cancer, and I refuse to let that be my ending. In fact I consider myself somewhat of a miracle, and we are reminded of that miracle everyday, in the form of large and permanent scar across my torso. Our bedtime routine is hug, read, hug some more and then bedtime kisses which include a kiss to mummy’s scar (kind of like kissing a growing baby, but for my kids it was kissing a growing liver… I tear up just writing about it).

On this journey of recovery, Zara and Zachary have endured their own little battle of worry and curiosity. They know  what happened to mummy, although I’m not entirely sure they understood.  They saw me in hospital with tubes and bandages a plenty. They saw fear, tears and worry from their pillars of strength (Dad, Grandparents, mummy and daddy’s besties)  followed by tears of joy and triumph. They  felt the love and support of our entire family and friends until mummy was back on her feet. And now as a result, mummy runs, plays and  is still a wanna be tiger mum. Isn’t that enough? Do I have to use the word cancer?

I think not. The label for them is not important, but rather the outcome, and so far I’m rocking it!

However, despite feeling strong I still have butterflies in my stomach, and my fingers are tapping senselessly. No matter how great I feel, I’m scared. For those of you on  the same journey, you will understand the magnitude of each test. Every four months the vial of blood holds the answer to my destiny. Sounds morbid doesn’t it? Only time will tell… so wish my luck my friends… Will post soonest. I’m a pinprick away to another day… in the meantime, I’m going to run off the anxiety and think as positive as I feel 🙂 I am striving for a 10/10!

30 thoughts on “cancer schmancer…

  1. I leave for Australia tomorrow for a couple of weeks and am wishing you good luck my darling amazing friend.

  2. Sharie, I’ve always admired the determination and discipline you put towards any goal you decide to tackle so I don’t doubt that you’ll come through each test with flying colors!:) Sending you lots of positive thoughts and love xx

  3. My Dearest Friend….

    I wish you all the luck, love and health and pls post resilts soon. You are an inspiration, courageous, and a example of truly being the best you can be… A good wife, mother, daughter, friend, community citizen…

    Thank you for your blog. It has given me so much food for thought and this blog today is filling me up w loving thoughts for you, anyone else who have gone through this or iis going through this.

    Thanks for something so grounding and of truth…. Stay strong, stay well, stay loved and you never know… I might call you up sooner than you think to join you for some excercise.

    Lots of love,

    P

  4. Sorry to hear that you have to endure such an emotional roller coaster ride once every 4 months. It isn’t easy. Hats off to you for being such a tough “glam” mama! Will be thinking of you…all the best!!! xoxo

    • You inspire me to be a better mom and person! you have a beautiful family. so full of love and happiness (shows in all your fotos 🙂 It’s the love for our family drives us to make better and to be better. I try and hope that every step is worth it. Big kiss… keep posting please… your recipes are inspirational, and give me hope that if I eat what you cook I, too, can look like you!!!! hahahah xoxox

  5. Sharie this is beautiful and having known each other since were Zara and Taragh’s ages I read this with tears in my eyes. We don’t see each other very often and indeed I didn’t hear for ages that you were sick – which is not very HK where good and bad news is passed around town with lightning speed- but I was so happy when I knew you were ok. Just reading this makes me happy – happy that you are still here with Z, Z and N and that you faced this and came out the other side strong. Big kiss xx

    • Dearest Claire, thank you for reading and commenting. Indeed we have know each other for… well… a long time (don’t want to disclose ages ;P) Yes, I’m ok and feel great… but it’s the anticipation that’s nerve wracking!! I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your note and your thoughts just make me stronger xoxo big kiss to u and let’s catch up soooooooooooooon x

  6. Hi Sharie: Reading the raw emotions of this entry made my heart ache with everything you’re feeling: love, triumph, fear… I admire you for keeping it together, everything going through that hyperactive mind of yours! Thank you for sharing this with us. Big hugs!!!

    • Love the fact you are the only one who knows me!! indeed the brain only stops when the fear starts to creep in… and so I ran out the anxiety and will continue to move forward x.. thanks for your post

    • Patty, Am absorbing the good vibes and blessings and I thank you for thinking of me. I will continue to triumph over fears, tears etc.. and remain forever, positive. thanks for your post xo

  7. Sharie – I hope you don’t mind that I read your blog today, as I’m a friend of a friend. I share your journey, hopes, fears and dreams and I so admire your strong, genuine courage. Like you, every day I exercise off the bad vibes and work on building up the good ones, and with each blood test remind myself that my blood type is my mantra – B positive! Hang in there, be positive and thanks for your inspiration. I’ll be sure to thank you in person next time I see you. Thanks so much for vicariously sharing your optimism and determination.

    • Dear Anna, Oh thank you so very much for reading my post! It’s always a pleasure to see comments and even moreso, when they are words of encouragement. I look forward to saying hi.. and I promise to stay postive 🙂

  8. I’m sorry to hear you had a bout with cancer as well, but glad you are doing so well. I understand even more why my blog found you, too…
    I’ll never forget skirting around the bug C word when it was time to tell big brother. I told him his sister had leukemia, a word he wasn’t familiar with that didn’t sound do scary. Then, after talking to a friend who happens to be a child psychologist, she advised me to tell him about cancer, and that there are different kinds, and many people live through it. In fact, his Dad had already survived it after going through chemo at age 28. The education proved powerful, and I feel like it was right for us.
    Thanks for sharing your story, and I wish you great health!

  9. Dearest Sharie,
    May your results be and continue to be clear. Your blog (and YOU!) are inspiring. Thank ou for sharing your experiences, fears, joys and deep secrets with us.
    I have held the hand of a friend as she waited for these results and I understand the anxiety in the wait. May your anxiety be little and your results GREAT!
    To good health.
    Love,
    Marisa

    • Marisa, thanks for stopping by. The anxiety is over and the tests are clear… woohoo. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here 🙂 Im a 10/10 🙂

  10. Hi Sharie,
    I couldn’t find a private email, so here i am, letting you know I am nominating you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award! The full writeup is on my entry: http://www.all-ofus.com
    I’m so grateful we have crossed paths via this crazy blogging world. I feel like you’re a friend I’ve never met, but will always have. Thanks for touching my life, and all the other who read Glamaross! Best wishes, T. Marie

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